


You Don't Love Me (Big Fucking Deal)

by thedevil_andgod



Series: Songfics Series [1]
Category: Jersey Boys - Gaudio/Crewe/Brickman/Elice
Genre: Heartache, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Song fic, Unrequited Love, this is strictly jersey boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:49:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5098025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevil_andgod/pseuds/thedevil_andgod





	You Don't Love Me (Big Fucking Deal)

_You're hard to hug, tough to talk to-_  
_and I never fall asleep, when you're in my bed_  
_all you give me is a heartbeat_  
_I've turned into a statue_  
_and it makes me feel depressed_  
_'cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed._

Bob hates that Tommy never hugs him. God, how middle-school does that sound? It's not even that, really. Bob just hates how Tommy doesn't really touch him at all, in front of others. Not even a friendly pat on the shoulder is granted, and it's hard to not get jealous when he sees how comfortable Tommy is sliding his arm around Nicky, or squeezing Frankie's face while grinning like a maniac. Yes, he's known both men longer- but Bob is the one he's sleeping with, for fucks sake. He can barely even move when they're all together; in the studio, it's hard enough to just move his fingers over the piano keys to play the songs they've written- he's written. Bob hates that Tommy won't speak to him, not properly, not about stuff that really means anything. Sure, they chat about songs, about records, about concerts and keys and harmonies, but they never really talk about themselves. And Bob wants to, wants to know more about Tommy, about his childhood, growing up in the neighbourhood, finding Frankie and hearing that voice for the first time. But no. The closest Tommy ever gets to opening up is when they're all over one another, stripping down hastily, flinging clothes carelessly over their shoulders. Between biting kisses and strangled moans, Tommy tends to whisper about how beautiful Bob is, like this, all flushed and writhing and whimpering. Once the sex is over, the sweet talk is over. And Bob can tell you, that sweet talk turns bitter after the first few times it's heard.

 _You don't love me, big fucking deal_  
_I'll never tell you how I feel_  
_You don't love me, not a big deal,_  
 _I'll never tell you how I feel._  
 _It almost feels like a joke to play out the part,_  
 _when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart._  
 _You know I'd rather walk alone, than play a supporting role_  
 _if I can't get the starring role._

So, Tommy doesn't love him. It's not a big deal; it's not like Bob is surprised by this. He know's it's all a bit of fun, a release, a roll in the proverbial hay, as it were. Tommy was never really the type to fall in love anyway. It's different, though, for Bob. Bob has always believed in love. Always imagined falling in love, and settling down with that love for the rest of this life. Of course, he'd never in his wildest dreams ever imagined he'd fall for, not just a man, but a man like Tommy. Rude and brash, and cold and warm, a sin and a confession, a wound and a penance all rolled into one, neat package. A package with great hair, a fantastic ass, and who can do things with his tongue that Bob didn't think should be legal. Sometimes, he feels like laughing- when Tommy is hungrily kissing him, hands slipping under his shirt, fumbling at his belt with eager fingers- he feels like laughing, because it seems like the biggest joke in the world. He's never going to be Tommy's number one. He's never going to be Tommy's only. He knows he should end this, before it's too late, and he really does get hurt. It's just nice, to have someone warming the bed next to you, curling around your body and sharing your vulnerable moments.  
Bob thinks it's better to be alone, than be with someone who makes you feel alone.

 _Sometimes I ignore you, so I feel in control_  
_'cause really, I adore you and I can't leave you alone._  
_Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong._  
 _Come on, baby, let's just get drunk, forget we don't get on_  
 _You like my dad, you get on well,_  
 _I send my best regards from hell._

There are days he feels strong enough to ignore Tommy. Ignore the meaningful glances, or wicked, quiet comments in his ear, and act like the man doesn't exist. He flirts right back with every woman in the bar, makes a show of winking at the audience and smiling brightly at gushing fans. He mentions that he's been thinking of calling one of the numbers scrawled on crumpled napkins and shoved into his hands.  
He never does, though. He's never strong enough to resist Tommy for long. He doesn't think he ever will be.

Just because the sex is great between them, doesn't mean the arguements stop. Tommy is still a dickhead, who drinks too much and talks too loud, and Bob is still the odd one out, the one who didn't grow up in the neighbourhood, the one who doesn't quite understand.  
They're constantly butting heads over this and that, little things that become big things once alcohol and exhaustion are involved. Of course, although the arguements are as frequent as ever, now they have a more enjoyable way to make it up afterwards.  
Tommy swings by the hotel room with a bottle of whiskey and a bashful, but alluring, grin, and Bob, of course, lets him in. They drink until they forget why they hate each other- or, why Tommy hates Bob- and then, the fun begins.

 _I never sang for love, I never had a heart to mend._  
_Because before the start began, I always saw the end_  
_Yeah, I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me._  
 _But nothing's ever gonna give, I'll never set you free._  
 _Yeah I'll never set you free_

Tommy is Bob's first love. He is the first person that Bob actually writes and sings his love songs for. Before, the songs were written on T.S. Elliot's phrase and inspired by romance films on the television. Now, Tommy is the inspiration, for more than one of the hits he sings himself. He's oblivious to that fact; unsurprisingly.  
Bob knew at the start, that it was going to be over before he could blink. He's not wrong, really- it's not exclusive, he knows there are other women, sometimes, even other boys. One tiny, traitorous spark of hope still lives inside of him, though, to his dismay. If he's the one Tommy keeps coming back to, surely that has to mean something, right?  
Wrong. He knows it's because he's easy, he's accessible, and despite everything, the pain and the jealousy and the burning hate beginning to match the fiery love he feels for Tommy DeVito, he'll never turn him away.


End file.
